they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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