I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
