oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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