It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just invented taco cereal.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
