someone threw a dead crab at me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
