Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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