Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
