It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
