someone get that fucking seahorse.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
