you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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