3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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