I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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