I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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