dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
