My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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