Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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