careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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