There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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