There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
