We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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