ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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