at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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