I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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