Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
