After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
