I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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