I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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