I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize