Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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