You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
