i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize