Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
