i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My dick has a subreddit
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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