How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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