Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
