No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
