I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
