i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
