her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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