Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
