come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
