I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
