in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
