Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
