I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
