Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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