she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
this will be a night to untag.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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