Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
