it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
