It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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