Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
