If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
