made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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