Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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