im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize