just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
