Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize