guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
