Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
