im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
