Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
