Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My vagina is very pro this idea
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
