when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
