Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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