This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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