Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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