White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
