He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
