apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
