what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
